Bullet Train (15, 126 mins)
Verdict: Not worth boarding
The Japanese do not attack railroads. Or at least, when they do, everything still runs on time â disgruntled staff stop charging passengers for tickets.
But if there is ever a desire to suddenly cancel a service between Tokyo and Kyoto, the bullet train takes about ten minutes.
The journey hardly started before serious signal problems occurred. Notably, there is indication that the screenplay is written by someone (Zak Olkewicz) with a fourth form of humor.
Thus, a grown-up assassin (Brian Tyree Henry) becomes devoted to the stories of Thomas the Tank Engine.
‘Everything I learned about people, I learned from Thomas,’ he says, ‘and apparently we can all relish the irony of a deadly hitman driving a 250 mph train on an anthropomorphic locomotive for five years. To cherish by referring to the knowledge of. -Children.
If there is ever a desire to suddenly cancel a service between Tokyo and Kyoto, the bullet train takes about ten minutes.
The joke, you see, is in the dissonance. Although when I say joke, I mean the burden that poor sly Henry is obliged to carry, beyond the point at which you want the Fat Controller to sit on it and put us all out of our misery .
In fairness to the author, Olkewicz, he probably lifted the running Thomas gag from Kotaro Isaka’s novel, on which this silly and dissonantly violent comedy-action thriller is based.
Somehow, someone at Sony Pictures would have thought there was material here worthy of a proper heavyweight cast, led by Brad Pitt, with Aaron Taylor-Johnson in support, and Michael Shannon, Channing Tatum, Sandra Bullock, and Ryan. Reynolds was in a cameo.
Pitt plays a hitman codenamed Ladybug. His extended ‘joke’ is that he is not a murderer by nature, but a sentient cove. He wears a bucket hat to create even more distance between himself and the standard film representation of an assassin, though of course he’s as brutal as the script requires him to be.
Feeding crappy instructions into the ladybug’s earpiece is its own controllerâa rather thin one that transpires, mostly played by the unseen bull. She wants him to board the bullet train to Kyoto and snatch a mysterious briefcase.
This assignment brings him into conflict with another pair of mercenaries played by Henry and Johnson, the West Ham-supporting Cockneys codenamed Lemons and Tangerines.
Let me also add here that I went to see this movie with my eldest daughter on Tuesday night and she pronounced it ‘very good fun’. Definitely some great stunts. So just because it didn’t punch my ticket doesn’t mean it won’t punch your ticket
Looking and sounding remarkably like Eric Idle, Monty Python’s “nudge-nudge wink-wink” character also seems unfit for the business of murder, slow-intelligent in the extreme. But he also becomes a kind of compound of James Bond and John Wick, making him the kind of bond that sticks to your wick.
Anyway, these two retards are taking the son of a fearsome gangster on a train known as The White Death (Shannon).
Are you with me so far? If not, it doesn’t really matter. Other passengers include a sneaky schoolgirl killer (Joey King), a Mexican killer called Wolf (Rapper Bad Bunny), and a Japanese martial arts expert (Andrew Koji) intent on punishing the man who killed his son. Was thrown from a tall building, leaving the child in intensive care.
Coincidentally this isn’t a particularly relevant story to the plot, yet its importance lies in the way it is inserted into the script, completely impervious to such a disturbing image of us all. can be.
As long as we know it’s for comic effect, right?
Attempting to piece this all together and largely unsuccessful is director David Leach, whose credits include Atomic Blonde (2017), Deadpool 2 (2018) and Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019).
In other words, it…
Credit: www.dailymail.co.uk /