Can you EVER manufacture a sexual spark? Tracey Cox reveals 8 ways to turn the great match you ‘just don’t fancy’ into a lover (but says you shouldn’t have sex until at least the 5th date) 

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  • Sometimes a good friend becomes the perfect partner – if only you imagined him
  • Tracy Cox says it is possible to ignite a spark if there is no immediate attraction
  • Recommend doing something exciting together to get an adrenaline boost
  • But don’t sleep together right away when you’re still feeling awkward

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You have met someone – finally.

They are funny, clever and kind. They get along with all your friends, you have the same likes and opinions.

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Everything is perfect… except you’re not entirely sure you like them.

Many people stop at this point, believing that if there is no immediate sexual attraction, it means the relationship is doomed.

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But isn’t it?

Contrary to popular opinion, successful long-term relationships often do not begin with the proverbial ‘lightning bolt’.

As long as there is a strong connection to other areas, sexual attraction can develop over time.

If you’ve met someone who’s ‘perfect’ but you don’t like them, don’t write it down yet because there are ways to create a sexual spark, says Tracy Cox (stock image).

In fact, while chemistry is a very powerful attraction, there are good reasons not to put so much emphasis on it.

Having chemistry isn’t always a good thing

Being strongly attracted to someone doesn’t mean they will be good to us.

People who have been abused ‘click’ with the people who have been abused. They feel familiar – triggering that ‘I know this person even though I am not feeling them’ we are all seduced by – because they share the same qualities that their abuser did. .

An extreme case, granted.

But if you’re always ending up in relationships where sex is great but nothing else, you’re giving sexual attraction too much of a stardom in your choice.

Tracy says that intense physical chemistry can actually be a negative because it can attract you to someone who is ultimately not a good relationship.

Tracy says that intense physical chemistry can actually be a negative because it can attract you to someone who is ultimately not a good relationship.

You can’t force sexual attraction – but you can give it room to grow and breathe.

If you’re with someone you really like (or think you might) but worry that the spark isn’t there, it’s worth trying to create one.

This way…

give it at least three dates

If you’re a little shy, or they are, it may take time for the two of you to feel completely comfortable with each other.

Take the pressure off at the beginning of relationships and enjoy getting to know them. At the very least, you may end up with a good friend.

Keep it casual. Invite other friends along, just go out into the world together and then see how you feel as time goes on. A 28-year-old man told me, ‘I always used to treat a girl at work well, but I didn’t think I loved her.’ ‘Then I invited him to a friend’s party and he started talking to her. I looked at them and suddenly realized how attractive she was, even though she was not my ‘type’. I was very jealous.

They are together very happily for two years.

Don’t text people just because they don’t tick all your boxes initially.

Real attraction takes time: Many potentially great relationships are cut on their knees and never given a chance to grow because people expect instant connections.

do something exciting together

You may have heard of the ‘love bridge’ experiment: a controversial psychological study conducted in the early 70s.

Men crossing an unsafe, insecure bridge were approached by an attractive woman, who asked them to fill out a survey.

The railing was low, it swayed and there was a huge drop in the river below.

As the men completed the survey, the woman gave her phone number and said they could call her if they wanted to know more about the study.

In other words, providing them with an excuse to call and follow you.

Meanwhile, men crossing another bridge were also stopped mid-way by a female researcher.

But the bridge was safe, did not move and was only a few feet above a stream.

They could also call him later to get more information.

On the stable bridge, only two of the 16 participants called the woman. Nine out of 18 called on the unsecured bridge.

The researcher’s conclusion was that men on Ricky Bridge reported feeling tense and nervous – how you feel when you’re attracted to someone and aren’t sure it’s reciprocal.

That fear then turned into attraction.

The conclusion is later questioned but there is no doubt that doing adrenaline boosting activities creates a stronger bond.

Think skydiving, watching a horror movie or going to a theme park to ride a rollercoaster.

Can sexual attraction be created or should it be from the beginning?

When I asked this question on social media, I expected that the verdict would be in favor of the latter.

Surprisingly it was not.

Here’s what people said.

‘Sexual attraction is about trying and working, rather than being on the ‘right’ partner.’

‘Sometimes, it builds up when you’re in the right setting. A dinner where everyone is prepared to impress. Or a holiday or a weekend away where everyone drinks a little too much and the hesitation goes away.’

‘It can emerge over time. It may have been there forever, but you only realize it after several months. It suddenly flares up when you realize that you both have common interests. ‘So you’re in that too!’

‘I think sexual attraction to women can easily arise if a man’s personality and behavior shine through. I don’t think it works the same way for men.’

‘I’ve found that attraction has developed as I get to know someone better. Similarly, a strong initial attraction is eroded the better I know someone.’

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Look for other connection points

One woman told me on social media, ‘If I get to know the person and they are interesting, interesting, and attractive, I can go towards attraction without interest. ‘Personality and connectedness can definitely warm someone up.’

Most psychologists agree that there are five major areas that seem…

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