- Woman living in UK admits she is worried about her mother’s partner
- Posted on mumsnet explained that his partner is constantly with his mother
- Reactions urged woman to intervene to stop an abusive relationship
A concerned daughter has asked whether she should interfere with her mother’s relationship after she became concerned about her new partner’s behavior.
Posting on UK based forum mumsnet, the woman told that she has recently struggled to be alone with her mother because her new partner constantly comes or wants to be on video call.
He told users he’s ‘love-bombing’ his mother and already seems controlled, complaining that he doesn’t trust taking grandchildren to the park alone.
Revealing that her husband doesn’t think he should be involved as she would just seem ‘jealous’, the woman was flooded with divided advice.
A woman has sparked a debate about whether it is appropriate to intervene in a parent-child relationship (file image)
While some urged her to voice her concerns to prevent her mother from becoming more trapped in a potentially abusive relationship, others insisted that intervening could make her mother ‘protective’ and her ‘ may be encouraged to stick to it for a longer period of time.
Explaining why he is worried about his mother, he wrote: ‘My mother has a new partner. They’ve been dating for a few months, and she seems so happy, and I was really happy for her, because I know she craves mates.
‘However, I finally met her last week (stayed with mom for a couple of weeks because we hadn’t seen her for almost a year), and I’m really worried. In my opinion, he is clearly love-bombing her.
‘They don’t live together, but he comes every day, often unexpectedly, so I haven’t been able to spend some one-on-one time with my mom. He asked her to come less often so that she could spend some alone time with me and her grandchildren, and she said it wasn’t fair to push her out because we’re around.
‘I’ve noticed in general that he can control (too few examples on the list) and doesn’t respect boundaries, and his best friend has noticed it too. I’m shortening my stay because I can’t be around him anymore.
‘ She said, “It’s because he’s always here, isn’t it?”. I just told her that I’m happy for her, but she’s still a stranger to me, and I can’t spend every day with her, it’s a bit much. She said she was sad that I was “taking her grandchildren”, but that I would be nearby so she could go (every day if she wanted) when we were in town.
The woman revealed that her mother’s partner is adamant about being in constant touch.
Posting on mumsnet, the woman explained concerns that her mother’s new partner is showing signs of abuse
She continued: ‘She called during lunch today (she was working from home). If he is not physically present, he makes continuous video calls. He complained about me because I didn’t let him take my kids to the park alone yesterday.
‘I could hear my mom saying, “Okay, she just met you, any parent would do the same”. But she continued to apologize deeply and reassure him that she trusted and loved him. The conversation was awkward, manipulative and intense. After a while she passed me with tears in her eyes. I asked if he was okay, and he said, “oh yeah, just my manager stressing me out” – he didn’t know I listened/heard.’
The woman admits that she is unsure how to handle the situation as she acknowledges that her mother is an adult capable of making her own decisions, while her own husband believes her if she interferes. So she might be jealous.
Agreeing with her husband’s point, one person wrote: ‘Please don’t give your mother a baby. I also wouldn’t isolate her by turning her behavior into a bigger thing – she could stick around longer than that.’
Responses from the source suggested that confronting the mother could make her defensive of the situation.
Another said he should ‘tread very carefully’, adding: ‘Is this normal for him? Did he have a healthy relationship? A conversation like this can go very south, very quickly.
‘The conversation may be received more receptively if it came from her friend rather than her daughter. This can really embarrass him, which can then make him defensive. ‘
However other replies to the thread convinced the woman that she should confront her mother with her concerns.
‘If you can, I’d get a PI to do a background check on this guy. It is shocking that he is waving so many red flags. Isolating your mother, wanting to take your kids alone, calling constantly, it’s really scary. It has abuser/hunter written all over it,’ wrote one.
Many advised the woman to check the background of her mother’s boyfriend and calmly talk to her about her concerns.
Another said: ‘I would absolutely 100% tell your mother how you feel. Calmly, without any extra drama, but tell her what you see and why it’s so worried. I would also send her articles about controlling partners and love bombing.
‘You think you have a good relationship with your mother and that sometimes we need to tell people that we like some hard truth. This is one of those times when she connects more with him.’
The woman wrote a follow-up post revealing that her mother felt the baby when concerns were raised about her partner
A third said: ‘I will definitely talk to him about it. Don’t make him feel like he has to choose because he will play into what he wants because he will use it against you. Explain your concerns, let her know you love her and that you’ll be there for her if she wants to talk or need any support. I completely understand why you want to cut short your journey, but you will play whatever you want because he wants to tear your mother apart and use anything to criticize you.’
The woman wrote a response revealing that she decided to seek the advice of the public, saying: ‘Thanks for all the advice last weekend. I talked to myself…